g r i e v e r

Saturday, March 30, 2002

Black

No this is not a racist entry.

Just that many of the things in life are actually black. While taking the MRT last Friday, I saw a lot of faces, and these faces gave me an inspiration to post something of substantial length on my blog.

All the faces, I noticed, were not smiling. There was one person who was nearly crying, for some reasons which are unknown to me of course. But throughout the course of my journey, I really never saw anyone with a smile. Well, maybe people who smile on the train will be considered by some to be mentally unstable, but really happy people wouldn't care. That's why mentally unsound patients are more carefree than normal people, because they don't have to, or rather cannot perceive the world around them as others do.

Life is black; let's face this fact. No one has ever denied the challenges of life that make it seem so demanding, so excruciating, so... tormenting... No one has ever said that life is totally a fun thing. No one ever did. But what people have done are to take others' lives, and taken their own. What makes life so interesting is that no one wants to be denied a life, yet at the same time no one would want to be thrown into one hapless and helpless. Weird irony. And the most amazing thing is, when you die, you end up like the others who came before you; it didn't matter to Hades whether they were rich or poor, pretty or ugly, intelligent or stupid. In the end, you come back to the same place from where you started from. Nothing.

The thing is, you come into life with nothing, you leave with nothing, not even memories. The only thing that really records the deeds of a person is the memories of others.

Life is black, and we all strive to turn it white, so that one day, we can be pure when we die. But think about it, what is the use when other people do not recognise your conviction? Because ultimately, the only thing one will be remembered for is the things, the great things you did when you were alive.

I made the choice to stay in Hwa Chong. Ultimately it'll lead me to the same path, but right now, I hope I wouldn't regret my choice even after my last breath, perhaps decades later.

Black.

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