Disillusionment
Alright. I'm disillusioned. Some people accept everything they see or hear, and believe absolutely in the reality around them. Some people are a bit more skeptical, believing some of the things they hear, and refusing the rest. Yet there are also some people who question, most diligently, every single "truth" that is held by society. They challenge the very fabric that people believe hold society at large together, and doubt the institutions humans have come up with, and question some very fundamental ideas we have about us and the world around us. What happens to them? They are debunked as cranks, idiots or maniacs.
I am beginning to doubt my validity and the validity of the world around me. What am I? Who am I? Who can give me a truly satisfactory answer? Myself? God? No one can tell you who you really are, some say, you have to discover it yourself, through reflection, introspection and self-exploration. But when we examine this supposedly basic idea, we end up asking ourselves: who has shaped us into what we are today? Isn't it the very fabric of institutionalised society? Haven't we been shaped by societal conditioning? By our parents, the media, the government and by the general populace. So in doing some thinking we end up questioning the very essence of our existence. Who are we? Are we merely a reflection, an echo of society?
"The matrix cannot tell you who you are." I quote this from "The Matrix" to reveal a very simple truth. The truth is, we are all children of a society that starts the conditioning process from birth. We are taught this and that, taught to believe this, told that certain deeds are misdeeds.
Why must we serve a nation, a state? The Singapore government emphasises much on people development, it has time and time again stated that people are its only, yet most valuable resource. Aren't we just being harnessed, like a fuel, to power the nation's economy? Trained and taught to function like obedient, law-abiding automatons so as to create a surging GDP? People will then say, hey, economic growth is beneficial to any country, because with increased national income its citizens will enjoy higher standards of living? Is this necessarily true? Even if it were, what is the whole point of it? Does it mean anything to me? No.
Why must we succumb to circumstances? Why can't we manipulate the very situations we are in? From birth our path was laid out in front of us. We would have to go on to primary, then secondary school. What happens after that is variable, but the point is, if you don't get a certificate in law, engineering or medicine, you're pretty screwed. Or so some people used to think in the past. And all this just for the simple sake of earning enough money to sustain ourselves? I have a good mind to migrate to some desolate region of New Zealand, grow some crops and live there for the rest of my life. Why work when you don't have to? Most people don't enjoy working. To quote a friend, if people were willing to work they would gladly pay for it instead of demanding wages.
What's wrong with people these days? Why is everyone so concerned and bothered about accumulating material wealth? So what if I have a trillion dollars of networth? Does it mean anything, aside from the fact that I would be one hell of rich bastard? Simple reasoning will tell anyone that money has no intrinsic value, if not for the purchasing power it offers. I find it highly amusing when people accumulate money just for the sake of doing so. Why can't people be more concerned with other things, like gaining enlightenment, spiritual education, understanding the world, learning about "great truths"? I know some people must be thinking, "Hey, this guy is a real crank." But I don't care because I am really disillusioned with this world.
Spooky thing is, I have this weird idea that we're all just experiment subjects. And that this world is just part of the setup. Some people believe that life serves a purpose. In fact I think there isn't. We lead our lifes as miserable drunken wanderers, surviving each day not really know what comes, deceiving ourselves that it is good to be alive. I know again some will argue and conter-argue that there are the subtler, more beautiful things in life. I disagree again. Because there is a splinter in my mind, driving me mad. That there is a deeper, more sinister truth to this world that our simplistic human brains cannot comprehend. Well. Something must be really wrong with me. But then again, since I am a product of the "reality" around me, then there must be something even more wrong with this world.
